And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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