What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
false alarm, still single
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