Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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