Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
