Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
