He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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