im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
