Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
