lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize