I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
