Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
