every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
