Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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