Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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