She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
