it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
