we have pet lesbian snakes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
