Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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