Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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