He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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