If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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