you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
