Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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