I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
