I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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