That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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