Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
