I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
