I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
