I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
