Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
