I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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