talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
