A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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