Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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