dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
