I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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