I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
