you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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