you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
