I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
