feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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