i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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