He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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