hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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