Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
