So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
