you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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