Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dicks are not precious.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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