some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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