if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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