Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
