is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
