so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
