True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
