what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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