I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
