I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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