I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
