i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize