i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are leaves in my underwear?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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