My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
