I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
