did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
