I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
