he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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