just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
