I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
