capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
